growing old/up does weird things to you.it makes you think, reflect and evaluate.Growing up i always thought i was a real spunk,had it all,could do it all and i had everything under control but i guess i couldn’t have been more wrong. The actual realisation that i’m actually not all i thought i was is really a bitter pill to swallow, but harsh realities spur us on to better ourselves for the coming days i hope. All through life it always seemed so easy being a certain person, being the “arty” one, the “understanding” one, the “holy” one, the list goes on. These roles and the requirements that come with it are so easily “mastered” so to speak that a person can pass himself off as whoever he thinks he is/want to be albeit with a little effort in understanding each “character”. In recent days though it seems i’ve been confronted with a question i found hard to answer “who am i really”. It feels as though the past 21 years has been a manufactured lie, living up to expectations and keeping up with the image of who i’ve been made up to be. The inability to answer that question unfortunately has brought me to another similarly disturbing question of what is it that i really want to do with my life. A question that i have been forced to confront with the imminent graduation at the end of the year should things go well. sadly, at the age of 21 it is something i do not have the slightest clue to. It’s always seemed so easy to say maybe i just have to trust God and something will work out yet for as much as i would want to believe in that it doesn’t seem all that simple this time around.maybe my mind’s been in overdrive.i dont know.
oh well at least i reckon it’s good that i’m considering these questions right now rather than somewhere down the road.better now than later huh?
