earphones.

likes how his ear phones drown out the world.sometimes seeing smth means a whole lot more than hearing something.

the world in moving alone to a little bit of nice sounding music. love it

mediocrity.

seem to be unable to get this thought out of my mind

what if at the end of the day i’ll just be another face in the crowd, another satistic on the paper.no. not an outlier, not one people look on at with envy but just one of the many. what if at the end of the day i’m just another man on the street. mediocre and without significance.

i’ll admit that much.i’m afraid of being.

“mediocre”

uni.

it’s been way too long since i last wrote here.
masters has been CRAZY. there’s always a 101 things to do and never enough time to ever have a chance to complete it.
though i must admit that i’m at a brand new low.i do not know how to continue doing what i’m doing.
self esteem is definitely in the pits. both concerning my self image and well the fact that maybe i’m not quite smart enough to actually be doing masters.

ahh well.no time to be complaining. gotta get right back to studying and well hopefully some exercise.otherwise the way i’m going.i’ll be in the news as the world fattest man.

study study study.

jonny lang- breaking me
Every day I see your face I wish I’d stayed
Don’t even know what made me run away
It’s just the way I play the game

Emotional is not a word I’d use to explain myself
But now I’m down upon my knees
Baby please take me back

I don’t want to be in love but you’re makin’ me
Let me up I’ve had enough. Girl you’re breakin’ me

Here I am just half a man standing alone
Feeling like I lost my only chance
At happiness when I let you go

I don’t want to be alone thinkin’ bout you girl
I got nothin’ left to hold in this lonely world

The first time my heart was ever touched
Was the day I lost your love
I can feel it in my flesh and blood
My soul can only take it so much

So there it is. Why can’t you give us one more try
You and I could find a way to live
If you let me in one more time

I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe
Can I make you understand, can I make you see
That I’m desperate for your love and it’s breakin’ me

It’s breakin’ me

hardly perfect.

i’m hardly perfect but at least i try.or fail terribly so in trying.

comfort can be both a friend and a foe.many a times we show a side not regularly seen when we are in our comfort zone, yet one must question why is this so. It seems as though we’ve created this facade and persona for people to fall in love with only for them to be terribly shocked when they find out the truth. Yet i can’t help question, why is it so hard to show who we are. maybe it’s because we are afraid, afraid that people may not like what they see. or maybe it lies somewhere deep in the recesses of our minds,that for once we embrace the fact that maybe we dont like we are either. still recognising the truth or the problem (some may argue otherwise) is the first step i reckon to understanding yourself.something that well is terribly important in life (at least to me anyway).oh well.

focus.

seems to be getting it all wrrong.
focusing on things that well quite obviously isn’t as important and forgetting the things that are.
wake up josh.stop thinking you can do it all on your own and stop wasting time.

growing up.

growing old/up does weird things to you.it makes you think, reflect and evaluate.Growing up i always thought i was a real spunk,had it all,could do it all and i had everything under control but i guess i couldn’t have been more wrong. The actual realisation that i’m actually not all i thought i was is really a bitter pill to swallow, but harsh realities spur us on to better ourselves for the coming days i hope. All through life it always seemed so easy being a certain person, being the “arty” one, the “understanding” one, the “holy” one, the list goes on. These roles and the requirements that come with it are so easily “mastered” so to speak that a person can pass himself off as whoever he thinks he is/want to be albeit with a little effort in understanding each “character”. In recent days though it seems i’ve been confronted with a question i found hard to answer “who am i really”. It feels as though the past 21 years has been a manufactured lie, living up to expectations and keeping up with the image of who i’ve been made up to be. The inability to answer that question unfortunately has brought me to another similarly disturbing question of what is it that i really want to do with my life. A question that i have been forced to confront with the imminent graduation at the end of the year should things go well. sadly, at the age of 21 it is something i do not have the slightest clue to. It’s always seemed so easy to say maybe i just have to trust God and something will work out yet for as much as i would want to believe in that it doesn’t seem all that simple this time around.maybe my mind’s been in overdrive.i dont know.

oh well at least i reckon it’s good that i’m considering these questions right now rather than somewhere down the road.better now than later huh?

does not being told what to do.

josh does not like being told what to do.esp when he already knows he has to do it.so please stop.it’s bugging me.

we were the reason.

there’s hope still.

exam stress..rawr.

that’s pretty self explanatory no??haha
on another note. buble’s song haven’t met you yet is such a comforting song.haha.
i know this post sounds terribly pathetic but well i guess whenever i think about the future esp about who that special person might be.it’s a good song to groove to and have a little thinker about.

guess it’s back to numbers and laws.
stats and statutory laws
regression and transgression!hah!i’m on a roll
oh thurs oh thurs please do come so ever soon.

rant.

woke up today with a disgusting feeling in my guts.

i didnt expect it to cut so bad or hurt for that matter.i guess i figured myself to be ironman for a moment.without emotions but i was only human

it hurts when you find out people close to you actually dont like you as much as they make you think they do/have problems with you.

the past few weeks have mixed with a varying array of emotions from heartbroken to strength to conviction to reflective to affirmation to confusion and once again hurt. talk about going one full circle.

dont know how to describe it.but it’s been a real roller-coaster and truthfully i dont need it.not right now.i just want to study.something that is not happening right now even though it should be in top gear right now.

sighhh..shall stop ranting and start trying to study.

dementia.

i’ll wait for you.

it brought tears to my eyes.i guess some things really are worth the wait.while others.well.remains to be seen.

 

the battlefield of the mind.

funny how everything seems to be building up to the same conclusion.

 

to choose daily choose to pick up the cross,a renewing of the mind.God speaks in mysterious ways.He really does.

The choice is for us then i guess to respond to what he has for us.for everyone has to travel their own journey.i too must go down mine.

on a lighter note.heh
Happy birthday mish my dear friend.

 

you are for me

So faithful, so constant, so loving and so true
So powerful in all You do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient, so gracious, so merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

thank you God.thank you.

move.

time for change.

no more sitting and pondering.

time to get the move on eh.

back.

Whoohoo.finally got off my lazy butt to blog again haha.

 

i realised something for the first time today.

just because the name to a model or theorem has the word simple in it’s name DOESN’T mean it’s easy.especially not in uni.MAN.those professors really need help naming their models and theories more accurately!!haha..talk about random rants.

the past few days have been CRAZY!!especially trying to deal with the ramifications of procrastinating and being lazy when my dad was around.ok maybe using my dad’s an excuse hahaha.but man seriously backlog on the readings is pure madness especially with corp law.i look upon my sorp law textbook with trepidation.full extent of the word’s meaning intended!gosh.see what reading law textbooks does to your english..arrrgh.

oh a lighter note i’m totally excited about the JAMming session we’re planning for the OCF worship min.hopefully the people will be able to catch God’s heart and the levite’s heart as well. BUT yess it’s going to be AWESOME!!fingers crossed.

ALSO ALSO can you believe it!!spring is almost here!!flowers blooming.awesomeee..now if only i could find the time to take some photos.

i’ll never forget my first spring here when i took that photo.exciteddd..come onnnn photos photos!!

haha found smth cool on tangle.com the other day!!should totally check it out.

peace out yo!

always hurt.

what a song.

life.

when all seems bleak.know God is there.keep holding on to that glimmer of hope.life amidst death.

terrible day.

josh is having a terrible day.i question why.i dont understand.i dont see why.this feeling really stinks.

plugging in.to the source

had a meaningful sermon today.learning to plug into the source.

will prob talk more about it when i have more time.blahh.tests are killing me.

God is always talking to you, you just have to turn down the volume of the world to hear it.